Words by Charlotte Vimeux PZ ’29

Graphics by Carter Haroza PZ ’29 and Sophie Frankfurt PZ ’29

Sex! A common language. A condition of human existence. America is currently going through a sex recession, with individuals aged 18-29 reporting no sexual activity doubling from 12% to 24% in the last 15 years. Here at the Claremont Colleges, I’ve realized that having a fling is a lot more complicated than making eyes at someone across Green Beach. Somehow, we’ve made sex more casual in theory than in practice—and I want to know why. 

Trust me, I’m a sex oriented individual (if you couldn’t already tell from this being my debut Outback article); unfortunately, though, having casual sex seems to invite more trouble than we might desire. Am I going to cum? Is he gonna be one of those freaks who thinks giving head is gross? I am probably going to regret this. Oh fuck, what if he’s a Republican! These are the thoughts that circulate in my head when I think about sex these days, and that is a severely disappointing fact.

The issue doesn’t seem to be a lack of desire for sex. Sex is heavily on the minds of Claremont College students, with 81% of students saying they think about sex several days or all days of the week.

We want sex, so why aren’t we having it? Having sex may now be the stressor itself rather than a form of stress relief. As much as we’d like to ignore them (I know I would), the typical stressors such as unwanted pregnancy, social media comparisons, political polarization, and more are seeping into every part of our lives—particularly our sex lives.

I sent out a survey to the 5Cs, trying to get a better grasp on how our community thinks about sex. Of the 224 people who answered, 48% state they would decline sex with someone with opposing political views. Another 27% say it is not a definite no, but a strong possibility they’d decline.

Sometimes, the Claremont Colleges can feel like a left-of-liberal bubble—despite occasional features from Turning Point USA, which we combat by hurling our naked bodies on bikes past their stand (last semester’s Anti-Fascist Bike Porn). 

More than just politics is at play when considering our generation’s sex deprivation. The internet and social media might seem like exhausted talking points, but only because they’re so apt. A recent New York Times podcast on Gen Z’s sex life argues that smartphones and pornography replace the effort and rejection experienced in real-life socio-sexual scenarios. What happens when avoiding bad experiences also means avoiding real-life friction? Gut-wrenching heartbreak, rejection, vulnerability—these things might not be fun, but unlike a screen, they can push you, change you, and help you figure out who you are. Without the ability for passion, connection, and intimacy, it isn’t so surprising that sex is diminishing. 

Laziness and desire for instant gratification are increasingly growing amongst younger generations, which in turn hurts their sexual lives. The simplicity of clicking on Safari and getting an “easy fix” may be outweighing the desire for real chemistry. Although pornography has been accessible for decades, the speed, convenience, and privacy of digital stimulation have changed what our generation has become accustomed to. Have our minds become so tied to 15 seconds of stimulation that even finding a date seems like too much effort? Yes, it seems our generation’s dependence on convenience and easy pleasure has made the “slow burn” of meeting someone feel less appealing. The internet has made sexual gratification seem effortless, while genuine connection requires time, vulnerability, and, most dauntingly, another real person.

Taking all these things into consideration, I thought, well, yes, these things are true, but I’d still go through all the stress for great sex; I mean, honestly, what can beat a good orgasm? So, maybe we’ve been asking the wrong question all along. The issue might not be that sex in general is less appealing. The issue might just be that great sex is the only sex that seems worth it.

The Guardian’s Golden Trio article states that 35% of heterosexual women usually orgasm with vaginal sex alone, while 44% say they rarely do. Interestingly enough (but not surprisingly), 91% of lesbians usually orgasm with a combination of genital stimulation and oral sex. Among students at the Claremont Colleges, mutual pleasure is overwhelmingly considered important, with 94% of women and 93% of men reporting it matters. 

However, women were dramatically more likely to say they lose interest in sex when they felt as though their partner didn’t care about their pleasure (52% W vs. 18% M). People increasingly want mutually pleasurable sex; therefore, if a situation seems as though it might be unsatisfactory, not having sex appears more enjoyable. Women are also prone to fake orgasms (been there); 42% of women say they fake it to end sex, 42% out of insecurity and fear, and 70% due to a kind of altruistic deceit. Perhaps the issue isn’t not wanting sex, but an objection to the sex that is on offer. If sex is more often leaving one party satisfied and one regretful, wondering why they even said yes in the first place, celibacy can look less like avoidance of intimacy and more like the only rational choice given the circumstances.

In that same New York Times podcast on our generation’s lackluster sex lives, Christine Emba distinguishes between cornerstone and capstone. She explains how, for older generations, a relationship was often seen as the cornerstone of someone’s life; you built that life with a partner by your side. However, for Gen Z, finding a romantic connection seems more like a capstone—something to pursue once the rest of your life is already figured out. If a relationship is now my capstone, having casual sex can seem like something derailing me from my main goal: finding my soul before my soulmate. 

Perhaps Gen Z is putting so much pressure on dating that sex is now just as undesired. Although we are regressing in many ways, there may be a positive side, too. Sex is no longer taboo (or at least significantly less). There has been a shift in rhetoric, especially for women who are dating men, that unsatisfying sex isn’t good enough anymore. Penetrative sex is no longer seen as the end-all, be-all, and education on enjoyable sex for all genders is increasing. It may seem contradictory, but the growth in accessibility is creating a decrease in sex.

For centuries, many women were socialized to see themselves as secondary to men, directly translating to their sex lives. However, more recently, the “orgasm gap” and conversations about mutual pleasure have been more mainstream, and expectations are changing. The standards are rising. When people have access to information, autonomy, and understanding of sexual language, and know how to express what they desire, non-orgasmic sex doesn’t cut it anymore. Maybe that is not a regression at all. Maybe it is the effect of knowing what we want and understanding when we aren’t getting it. The “sex recession” might show a growth in desire for good sex, not regretful and unsatisfactory sex. 

So, is sex going out of style? Or is mediocre sex just not cutting it anymore?