Dear Clementine,
I’ve been getting with this senior since September – no strings attached. Like seriously so casual, never during the week and we don’t really text intermittently. HOWEVER, I’m starting to realize we know a lot about each other, get along well, fight together well, have sex together well, etc. I don’t know how to approach our impending doomed end. We have a few more hookups left this semester, and due to the casualness of my relationship with him, it feels like being sad about this isn’t appropriate … And I don’t know how to approach a conversation, lack thereof, or even my feelings. HELP. 
Sincerely,
Considering taking my Wellbutrin again

Hi Considering taking my Wellbutrin again,

Mmmmm, this sure sounds like “no strings attached.” Just kidding… You’re attached AF. Maybe you should take your Wellbutrin again, but perhaps not for this explicit reason. The timer on your relationship would send even the most sane person into a bit of an emotional spiral, and it’s clear your heart is beginning to respond to those tic-toks. Taking your prescription medication for the purpose of mellowing your heart is certainly not the answer, but if, in general, you are experiencing signs of depression, it is always a good idea to be proactive about your mental health. As for this senior, the first step is something you have already done:; to stop denying that you have a genuine connection and deep fondness for one another. The more you deny, the more shocking the ultimate end will be to your system. Perhaps the next time you wind up at his place, you tell him how much you like talking, hanging out, or even fucking him. It can be simple – just a few sentences – but getting it out there that you’ve valued your time with him will not compromise the casualness of your relationship. Unless what you’re fighting off is the fact it might actually not feel casual to you. 

If it is the case that this senior has got a hold on a bit of your heart, it is important to set yourself up for grieving. Tell your friends you might be in a bit more disarray than that you might be in a bit more disarray than you expected. Get your tissues ready. Let the feelings come. Since this situation has gone on for the whole year, it’s likely he has an attachment to you as well, and if you feel comfortable, it is certainly not inappropriate to say you care about him and will miss him. It might feel scary. Or vulnerable. But certainly not inappropriate. If anything, it feels especially appropriate since he likely is in his feels at least about graduation. Worst comes to worst – he graduates, and you have your closure. If you don’t say anything at all, I fear you will be consumed by guilt for missing his company, which, given the longevity of your casual relationship so far, is a totally warranted sadness. You’ve got time and honesty on your side. It’s just a matter of using it.

Dear Clementine,
I am a lowkey freak. At least I think I am? I fantasize about putting an imagined partner’s whole body in a restraint and making them beg to touch me… Even the idea of knife play gives me a bit of a thrill. The thing is, it’s all fantasy. I’m wayyy too scared to bring this up to the few hookups I’ve had in college. In fact, I mostly just lay there faking moans and suppressing the urge to scratch the guy fucking me’s back until he bleeds. I’ve been able to explore online, but in my personal sexual relationships it remains a secret. When is it appropriate to bring up my kinks? How many hookups in is it okay to reveal my secret? I want to answer my hunger for domination, but I’m scared to do it at college, especially such a small college like Pitzer. 
Sincerely
Dommy Mommy

Dear Dommy Mommy,

I’m gladGlad to hear there’s some youngsters still keeping the sack interesting! Back in my day we used to have orgies like they were sweet tea on a summer’s afternoon! This is a complicated question that could throw us into a rabbit hole of the psychology of kinks, shame culture around sex, the dance between power play and sadism, and so much more. However, the short answer is feel it out. You know yourself and you know your partner (hopefully!). 

For me, I find generally that if you are comfortable with your partner as a person, after about 3-5 times of having sex you will be able to get a feel for what the other person is wanting more or less of. Conversations are always key, hopefully that’s obvious, but especially for something as extreme as this. I use the word extreme to not ostracize your interests as something foreign and weird, but just to acknowledge that they are not on the vanilla end of the kink scale. Everyone has shit they’re interested in and honestly a conversation inviting comfortability around more extreme sexual kinks and behaviors could make for some fun experiences that you’ve yet to even fantasize about as well as lead your partner to a more uninhibited sexual curiosity. The idea of a grand conversation can be daunting, understandably so, and it should be the eventual goal if you have someone that you’re consistently hooking up with and have such intense desires, however it doesn’t need to be the first step. You can wade into the water, rather than dive head first into the deep end. Next time you two are fucking, try asking for a small taste of what you’re truly wanting. “Can I scratch your back?” “Can I leave marks?” “Can I ride you and put my hand on your neck?” Even just a bit of teasing and edging can help your partner sample the flavors of this world of submission you’re yearning for. These are all pretty benign sexual habits that don’t inherently necessitate a conversation, in fact they can open a door to that longer conversation by bringing them up casually. 

Like I said before, feel it out. Kinks are normal and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of anything that you’re wanting to try, though I understand feeling unsure when to bring them up. Buttttttt try being brave, don’t be scared to let that freak flag fly, it will definitely be worth it if you get to live out your fantasies 😉