By Willa Umansky PZ ’27

do you relate to henry miller? 

also do you believe in god?

Tv show idea

ozempic

Ensemble cast

gooooodbyeee new yorkkkk

i’m tired on the plane and for some reason the volume on my television doesn’t work

downloaded music and books are all i know

sigh

the pilot warned us of turbulence west of Denver

plane full of new york area kids devastatingly crashed on way back to west coast liberal arts school, everyone would be talking

my eyes are so goddamn heavy and I cannot read anymore

im tired tired tired tired tired

imagine that the “tired”s are spiraling into a tornado like shape, trailing down the page

the theme of this notes app spiel is descent I guess #lol

see you in class on Tuesday or on the mounds or something

when i look longingly at a little girl and her parents i wonder if the grown up sees the woman or the daughter in me?

reading on the mounds i found myself wanting to dig my fingers into the soil and plant myself in this ground

Shitty rate my prof

Incredibly disorganized, super not engaging, and overall a really shit prof. I had her for my FYS and while she is personable and approachable she is truly just an insufferable English teacher archetype. She is borderline manic

end. easy a tho, since she doesn’t give af

Hello Professor Gilbert, I hope you’re having an awesome day. I would love to take this class! I like Jews and ancient history. Please let me in. Sincerely, Willa Umansky

Dramatic flair with stupid feelings or stupid feelings with dramatic flair or dramatic feelings with stupid flair blah blah

I lived in the womb of the world 

until i got spat out on a stage in a blue robe and a cap. i scratched so hard on my way out, i was turned upside down, the mother almost died. she lost a lot of blood. it was anticlimactic. i sat in the back. i didn’t give a speech. then i didn’t think about it. i thought about the race of summer. the planes i was on, the people i kissed, the ground on which i walked, it distracted me from longing for the warmth of being enveloped somewhere in the ovaries? uterus? i don’t know how birth works, i’m sorry to my old science and health teachers. i didn’t miss it, i didn’t long for it, this place whose walls encapsulated my whole existence for as long as i’ve known i am a thing that exists. i moved to california and i convinced myself this place was all there is to know. it was so hard. i didn’t call my parents for the first week. i felt like i had run away into oblivion, like i frivolously purchased a plane ticket to france just to escape or some bullshit like that. there i was a bastardized child of new york, adorned with rings and head scarves, forgetting i had things to miss outside of the bubble built just for me. i’m went back a couple days ago. i went back to the place that birthed me. built me from a cell. kathleen was 28 when i met her, she’s married with a baby now, her husband is the gym teacher and he proudly sports his girl dad baseball cap. i miss it so much. it made me want to go back every day. antics feel like an understatement, but i miss the antics. And so on. 

for the jew the world is a cage filled with wild beasts

i make your ovaries incandescent

frightening me a little with her heavy lesbian air

a thick tide of semen flooding the gutters 

i hear not a word because she is beautiful and i love her and now i am happy and willing to die

i have found god but he is insufficient 

page 178 if all christians were as devoted to god as i am to her the world would be crawling with jesus christs

i don’t know if i have an eating disorder or if i’m just a woman

passover when i was little was magical

Love?

Just please let me love. Let me be loved. Please at least let me know what it is to love, what it is to care. What it is to experience falling into it, what it is to know that it is a feeling that will never go away. Please, dear god, dear whatever entity can hear me, what can I do to prove myself worthy? I’ll give it, love that is, I don’t even need it back honestly. I’ll just hold it in my heart and know that it’s real. I want to know that it’s real so bad. I can’t fathom the feeling, I can’t craft an idea of it out of nothing. I want to feel warm and I want to be held and I want to want to hold someone and I want to hold a face in my hands and kiss lips for the thrill of lips on mine and I want to feel it in my gut and in my whole body. I want to be reduced to a thing that wants another. I want to feel it more than anything. 

Free write

What is the prompt I dont know the prompt I dont listen in this class I think Ru is buying tickets to a basketball game I dont know the question i’m so excited to not take this class

she’s in the benadryl

grief is weird. the pain erodes. the pain erodes and it kills me. the world doesn’t stop turning cuz you want it to. cuz now you’re just a little boy who died. goodbye friend that mourned friend, i’ll grieve my old self now i guess, the one whose stomach has a hole with the shape of you

g?d

if you asked if i believe in god

i wish i could smile like there’s no chance at all

but i resent him for my lack of prophetic status

or his refusal to bestow upon me 

the key to the world

love

have i achieved broken record status yet?

my palm is bereft

replete with a forlorn heartache

it’s a hollow hand i fear

destined to remain devoid of anything other then a pencil or penis or whatever exists in between