Words by Elias Schendler PZ ’29, Graphic by Darby Lind SC ’29

Bad Bunny once said, “Debí tirar más fotos” (I should’ve taken more photos). He sings of the profound regret one feels when failing to capture the true essence of a memory. This is very similar to the crippling sorrow I felt after failing to take pictures of my first meals at this (mostly) wildly delicious consortium. Would I ever recall my first Hoch Steak night, McConnell pasta bar, or Scrunch (Scripps Brunch)?

I needed “más fotos” because I had forgotten all the tastiest things I’ve devoured. Those who knew me before college are well aware of my not-so-secret @eliaseats Instagram account. The only meaningful questions family and friends ask me are about my diet. As I’m slammed with the typical, “Elias, what’s the best meal you’ve had so far?” I simply replied, “Debí tirar más fotos.”

The truth is, I seem to have no recollection of any of the food I ate during the first week frenzy. The second I stepped foot into any dining hall (except for Frank, perhaps, due to the lack of humans there), I seemed to black out (NOT in terms of overconsumption of alcohol, though this may be true for certain beer leaguers who attend Drary (Drunk Frary) after slamming a dozen Natty Lights and attempting to hit a little white ball while your fellow non-athletic peers “cheer you on.”)

No, I mean I blacked out in the sense that I forgot ever even going to get food. I simply got too overwhelmed by the familiar faces, different types of pasta, and the devastatingly scrumptious dessert bar. Am I allowed to have a croissant every day? All the commotion caused me to forget what I put on all three of my plates. No doubt, the meal was sufficient and usually on par with my standards, but I just blacked the fuck out. 

That said, I have had some tasty morsels since then. Leg of lamb at McConnell, yes, I like the sound of that. It’s fun to say, and I admit, I enjoy the alliteration. Something about it just works; tender and properly seasoned. The Friday night wings and Birria tacos at The Hoch are a must-have. Four wing flavors, lemon pepper being my favorite, and the quesadilla-taco creation are all you need to celebrate making it through the day. I have yet to eat a bad meal at Hoch. Right now, it’s at the top of my list in terms of my dining hall ranking. The poke is fantastic, with tons of different toppings, and they don’t skimp on the fish. I’d also like to give a pork noodle bowl (also Hoch) shoutout! Despite the noodles being slightly too al dente, I thoroughly enjoyed my tenderly cooked pork. I’ve also been on quite the McConnell yogurt bowl streak. The granola gets me going. 

What I’m less keen on: waiting in line for Scrunch chicken and waffles. It’s not worth it. They’re not bad, but I don’t see the cost-benefit ratio working in my favor. A minimum fifteen-minute wait in that tight Malott hallway takes years off my life. I find the other options: acai bowls, homefries, and scrambled eggs are equally tasty. Until proven otherwise, I’m done with that malarkey. 

People seem to flock to one line at any given meal. I have seen this flocking phenomenon at the other dining halls too. Is the food in that one line really that much better? Bao buns, I guess, are the exception for me. I’ll wait ages for a good bao. It seems that some meals are not worth the wait. No need to be a sheep! Explore, adventure, take a risk. 

Ceviche, at a cafeteria!? Wait, just hear me out. Do yourself a favor and order the Peruvian Ceviche at McConnell. It’s a pleasant, citrusy, and savory delight. The shrimp ceviche is good, too. Who knew! There seems to be a stigma that getting seafood (let alone raw fish) at a dining hall is an awful decision. People also say you shouldn’t buy sushi at gas stations. But look at me, I’m still standing. Take the risk. Get the ceviche, enjoy. I did notice a third ceviche: cauliflower ceviche. Isn’t that just cauliflower with some lime? Was it good? (I wouldn’t know, I steered clear).

Here, I must pause and remind the reader that these critiques are not meant to diminish the unbelievably loving and skilled workers (or students) at McConnell, or any other dining hall. I’m simply a self-professed food reviewer giving my honest two cents.

Speaking of the lovely staff, I would like to bring up a clever creation that I can only credit to one of the best McConnell omelet chefs out there (if only I remembered his name). Last Sunday, I woke up swole, dysfunctional, and in need of a hearty meal. What this man gave me is something I like to call a cromelette: croissant + omelette. Mind Blown. No words. Douse that thing in salsa and you’ll be happily bedridden for the remainder of the day. Consider adding some pesto-cream cheese on the side if you’re feeling frisky. I even remembered to take a picture; I didn’t blackout this time. I felt dialed. 

I have begun, as I hope other freshmen have as well, to calm myself down and navigate this whole dining hall thing. I’m beginning to remember the good bites. As I wait in line for the pasta bar, I breathe! I even, on occasion, get myself something they call a salad! I’m still in search of some restraint… three plates per meal isn’t something I’m proud of. It’s just so hard to resist! If you have any tips or recs for 5C dining, find me. And please, follow my now-certainly-not-secret Instagram, @eliaseats.